The Halo and Horns part of me,
The struggle with soul and spirit,
The longing, the sadness,
The turning from truth…
The mourning of a wasted life
Oft spent in much misery.
The fear of breaking free,
The fear of leaving what I know
For the unknown…
The fear of loss of His promise
I am so a wretched sinner!
Only He can save me…from me.
Only He can restore what is lost…
The joy of my Salvation.
I am looking in the wrong place,
I am allowing temporal fleeting
Passions replace
Rationality…
I want to run from pain,
To work and be absorbed
In life’s fleeting moments,
To shut out all rational
Spiritual impressions.
Escape to the poison I know,
Like a drunk man,
Hooked on the thrill
Of conquest and victory…
Rising over the rest
As an Eagle.
Being best, by putting myself last.
Numbing the pain, again and again
With temporary thrills.
Rejecting His forgiveness.
Yet none of us will take anything here
Into the next world
Nor will any Soul.
We only leave a print
On the hearts of those we love,
And those who love us back deeply,
With abandon.
Lord have mercy.
Help me abandon myself
Over and over
To your Holy Will.